We need to be couragous - Candlelight vigilThis is the transcript of the speech I gave at the candlelight vigil for Grace Millane and victims of violence against women in Hamilton on the 12th December. Mine was the opening comments and we also had... We need to be couragous - Candlelight vigilThis is the transcript of the speech I gave at the candlelight vigil for Grace Millane and victims of violence against women in Hamilton on the 12th December. Mine was the opening comments and we also had...

We need to be couragous - Candlelight vigil

This is the transcript of the speech I gave at the candlelight vigil for Grace Millane and victims of violence against women in Hamilton on the 12th December. Mine was the opening comments and we also had speeches from Dr Neville Robertson - a community psychologist, TeManu Elkington from Hamilton Abuse Intervention Project, and Anjam Rahman - board member of Shama, the Hamilton Ethnic Women’s Centre. 

TW: discussion of domestic violence, violence against women, sexual harassment, death.

Tēnā koutou katoa and thank you all for coming. My name is Louise Hutt and I am one of the organisers of this event tonight. 

Before I start, I would like to acknowledge Tainui and as the mana whenua and kaitiaki of the land on which we have gathered today. I would also like to welcome all the survivors of violence against women who are here tonight. I know it has not been easy for us, and I want to thank you for your courage in coming tonight. 

As you all know, Grace Millane was a 22-year-old backpacker who died earlier this month. We have organised this event to coincide with the events happening in Auckland, Rotorua, New Plymouth, Masterton, Wellington, Nelson, Blenheim, Christchurch, Dunedin, and Invercargill.

Grace’s death has created a critical mass of anger, frustration, terror, and I cannot apologise enough that we, as a society, did not reach this point sooner. Because Grace is not the only victim of violence against woman this year. Grace’s death was only one of six suspected homicides in 11 days.
Keshni Naicker, Lynace Parakuka, Arnica Savage, Yanyan Meng, Nicole Tuxford, Zena Campbell, Aroha Kerehoma, Ariana Eva Mahu, Alicia Crawford, Amber-Rose Rush, Anastasia Neve. A woman from Auckland whose name can’t be released yet. A woman from Rotorua whose name can’t be released yet. 

These women have all also been killed this year alone.

While the man accused of murdering Grace is believed to be a relative stranger, intimate partner violence is the leading cause of homicide for women in Aotearoa. One third of women in Aotearoa reported physical violence from a partner between 2000 and 2010. I hope that in gathering here - we can begin to question what in our society allows this to happen? How can we ensure that these deaths don’t continue to happen? 

I’m sure that the women who I mentioned earlier did not think in the beginning that the men who took their lives were capable of such things. The women I know who are survivors of domestic violence did not enter those relationships thinking that their partners would treat them that way. I did not think the man who stalked and harassed me was someone who would do such things, but he did. I did not think the men who sexually harassed me would be the kind of men who would do that, but they did.

We need to examine what in our culture allows women’s safety, well-being, and ultimately their lives to mean so little to some people. We need to challenge misogyny, we need to call out our friends when they behave inappropriately, we need to ensure that all women are safe from harm - whether they are a 22-year-old backpacker from the UK or a 34-year-old mother from Flat Bush. We need to be open to improving, even if we think we’re already pretty good. We need for it to be okay to say, hey mate I think you’re making her uncomfortable, hey mate I don’t know if you should talk to your girlfriend like that. It’s not about accusing innocent people of intending to do bad things, but a reminder that we as a society value women’s safety, and as a chance to reflect on whether that is coming off as a priority in your behaviour.

We need to have empathy and understanding for the lives women are already leading - how we restrict our own freedoms already so much to keep ourselves safe. I was scared of organising this vigil because I wondered if 8pm was too late for women leaving to be walking along the river path. Is it well lit enough? Will there be enough other people around? Will they be safe? We tell women that it is not safe for them to be out at night, but we also have the highest rates of domestic violence in the OECD, so it’s not safe for them at home either. Where can women be safe?

I would love for us to have conversations which expanded the freedom of women. Which allowed us to feel safer in the world. Instead of more ways for us to limit our freedoms. We cannot do this alone. I hope this event can be the start of an enduring conversation, a conversation we should have taken this seriously a long time ago. I hope tonight we can acknowledge our emotions - anger, frustration, sadness, grief, and fear. I hope we can use them to be brave, to have uncomfortable conversations. We can change our world for the better, and it starts here tonight.

One conversation at a time.

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Vegan - Mental HealthI’ve been really unwell, and not sure how to talk about it. So in writing my thoughts down in my new email newsletter, I finally found the words. I wanted to share them here. I hope you enjoy...

Your Friendly Neighbourhood Vegan - Mental Health

I’ve been really unwell, and not sure how to talk about it. So in writing my thoughts down in my new email newsletter, I finally found the words. I wanted to share them here. I hope you enjoy them.

Trigger warning - disordered eating

I tweeted last week about trying some new fake meat I found at the supermarket, and someone replied asking if “that stuff [is] any good for you”. It was a really difficult question for me to answer, and I’m not sure if I did a good job of it.

Something I’ve been coming to terms with for a few months is just how disordered my own eating is. When I’m in a bad place; when I am stressed, triggered by past trauma, when I’m tired, when I’m hungry, it’s very easy to listen to the voice in my head which says I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve to eat anything, I should feel this bad about myself, I should feel hungry. Even when I can fight off those worst thoughts, I still have to battle with them, disguised as concern about how “healthily” I’m eating.

Those “you don’t deserve to eat” thoughts turn into “you shouldn’t eat this unless it has no carbs and no processed foods and made it all myself from locally grown ingredients and with no sugar and at least four servings of vegetables…” My brain hasn’t been a fun place to be, especially not when living off Studylink doesn’t exactly give me much for groceries each week anyway. That stress often makes my body thinks it should keep more fat, which means my clothes don’t fit like they used to. Then add in fatigue, which I get a lot from anxiety, which makes me not have much energy to cook, and weighing up any takeout options against those ridiculous “health” criteria, and then it feels like it’s easier (and cheaper) to just not eat at all. Then I’m back at those worst thoughts again.

When I’m not in these incredibly toxic cycles, I keep a handful of Pyrony pies in the freezer, which I can shove in the oven for 20 minutes and they’re done. My go-to easy meal is nachoes with a tin of baked beans and Angel Food cheese (and anything else interesting I find in the cupboard if I am up to it). Neither of these are particularly “healthy” - being filled with carbs and processed foods and only one or maybe two servings of vegetables.

But sometimes the best food for you is just whatever you can afford, whatever you have the energy to make, whatever you know you’ll find some small amount of joy in, even if it doesn’t adhere to some ridiculous, unobtainable criteria. Because eating anything is better than eating nothing, which I found out the hard way.

Three months of only eating one, maybe two meals a day meant I had low iron, making me even more tired, and made my doctors really concerned when I almost fainted after a two-week long period (I potentially have polycystic ovaries, which makes my body also not a fun time to be in). Thankfully, I’m not anaemic but still have some iron tablets to take every day, and I’m slowly becoming less fatigued as I recover from this self-inflicted neglect.

If I want to finish my studies and not need Studylink, if I want to thrive and be proud of the work and projects I do, then I need to eat. Eat pies, eat beans and corn chips, eat BurgerFuel, eat frozen hash browns; eat things which give me joy and contribute to good mental health. Things which I can use to get out there and get shit done, and not be at home, crying and having panic attacks, doubled over with hunger and sadness. Then I’ll have more energy to cook fresh fruit and vegetables (which I do also love very much), and also money to buy them with.

(It also means not trying to be a perfect vegan too, but that’s a discussion for another newsletter).

To quote Beth McColl;

Those fuckin clean-eating ghouls selling the idea that it’s healthiest to be hyper aware & judgemental of every morsel of food we ingest as tho this is mindfulness & wellness rather than disorder. the unlearning of this thinking is excruciating today.

Counting calories, obsessing over not eating enough salad, telling myself I don’t deserve to enjoy my food because it should be “healthier” isn’t actually healthy for me.

The newsletter also has super easy New Zealand based vegan recipes for people interested in eating less animal products, and if you’d like to join the newsletter, you can subscribe here.

What I’m Most Afraid Of - Mental HealthTrigger warning: discussion of mental illness, suicide, trauma Reflecting on the past six years, my recovery from anxiety and depression has been long and wearisome. The only reason I am here today is that the...

What I’m Most Afraid Of - Mental Health

Trigger warning: discussion of mental illness, suicide, trauma

Reflecting on the past six years, my recovery from anxiety and depression has been long and wearisome. The only reason I am here today is that the lessons of creating good mental health have been forced upon me in the most tragic and painful ways possible. Only through the comparison, through being in a place where taking my own life felt like the only escape, through having people around me take their own lives, did I realise how ignorant and uneducated I was about my own health. 

I graduated dux of my high school and with a university scholarship; to the outside, I looked like your stereotypical high achiever and had almost convinced myself too. But it’s only now I realise how chaotic my home life was and acknowledge the emotional and psychological abuse I lived with. When it’s all you know, it’s hard to imagine otherwise, and my mental health was balancing on a knife edge I was oblivious to. When I lost the support and structure that my high school community gave me, it now seems obvious that I would have a mental breakdown halfway through my first year of university (hindsight is 20-20 after all). Add the financial insecurity of not having enough to live off, toxic part-time jobs, the loss of a sibling, and the habits and coping patterns of someone who grew up with abuse; of course I wasn’t going to magically bounce back. It took two more mental breakdowns for me to finally get the help I needed; at my lowest point, my mental illnesses had become so physically debilitating I could hardly leave my bed for more than a few hours a day. 

I have dragged those around me on this journey with me because the stigma around depression and anxiety (ironically, the two most widely understood and accepted mental illnesses) has been an extra hurdle which has tripped me up at every opportunity. I’ve vlogged while on the verge of a panic attack and written about the painful realities of living with a mental illness, and yet this might be my most vulnerable post yet. Because, despite all of this, hitting rock bottom again doesn’t really scare me. I have lived through poverty, grief, discrimination, and abuse and I am still here. Living through it has taught me the warning signs, the coping techniques, the sacrifices I have to make to survive despite it all, and if I can negotiate it all, I might even be able to live a life where times of happiness and peace outnumber the times of pain and heartbreak.

What truly scares me is the realisation of how many of the people I love are still sitting on that oblivious knife edge. When a friend of mine started to experience anxiety attacks, I tried my hardest to be there for them and share all the knowledge I have, but their understanding of how mental health works made it a very unsafe space for me. Every time we spoke, it came back to this underlying idea: “but you’ve had all these awful things happen to you, I’m not broken like you are, so how could I be developing a mental illness?”. Stigma is much more than a surface reaction, and it scares me how much more work needs to be done to create a solid understanding of mental health. 

Mental health shares a lot of similarities to physical health; for (a very simplified, generalised) example, some people have stronger immune systems, just like some people just have better mental health. Some people are inherently born with different brain chemistry, while some people might develop a mental illness due to circumstances or trauma; just like they might be born with a physical illness, or develop it later from injury or age. Some people might be able to cope with situations which could otherwise cause distress or a breakdown because they have better support and resources, just like access to painkillers and antibiotics might make a physical illness easier to recover from. (And of course, mental and physical health can also be very interlinked too!). But where the similarities stop is our understanding of when we need to get help. If you start to get a runny nose, you might not think much of it in the hope it goes away, but if we also get a sore throat, a fever, we might slow down and take extra steps to look after our physical health to stop it becoming worse, and if we become fatigued and our situation doesn’t improve in a few days or a week, we might seek professional help. 

The runny nose of my mental health is one bad feeling. Someone cutting in front of you at the supermarket. Something that by the end of the day, on its own, you’ll have forgotten about. A sore throat, a fever, is a bad day. Several things coincidentally piling up; especially things like an ongoing situation which I’m feeling anxious or stressed about. I’ll try to get to sleep earlier, do some mindfulness, send a quick email to my counsellor for an outside opinion - some easy self-care which gives me a mental break and allows me to evaluate things properly. Fatigue is developing anxiety attacks, insomnia, hopelessness, and (non-metaphorical) fatigue, to the point where I can’t function anymore and need urgent, professional help. 

I’ve noticed that friends of mine who have always had good mental health can deal with a mental runny nose, but don’t understand a sore throat and a fever under the right conditions can develop into fatigue in the blink of an eye. They don’t anticipate the pile-up so don’t take steps to deal with the smaller things, and the closer you get to rock bottom, the more stigma starts to play a role in getting help. I now try to keep semi-regular appointments with my doctor and counsellor (finances pending) so that my mental health never gets worse than a metaphorical runny nose, sore throat and fever*. The hardest situation is friends who think they will never even go from a runny nose to a sore throat. The universe has shown me time and time again that all it takes is one accident, one health scare, one death, one natural disaster: one significant, disruptive change outside of your control, let alone if it’s the cherry on top of a bunch of changes outside of your control.

I also want to acknowledge that hearing someone direct their internalised stigma at me was unexpectedly painful. For someone who works really hard to trust others, seeing a close friend (who has otherwise come a long way in their understanding of mental health) show how condescending their opinions were was cutting. If you’ve followed my blog and only ever thought ‘poor Louise, these things are very specific to her and could never be applicable to anyone else, let alone me!’, then I haven’t been writing the blog I thought I was. And maybe I haven’t - so here is the most direct advice I can give:

1. Talk about your feelings and emotions - especially through the good times, so when things get hard, finding the words to describe what you’re going through doesn’t feel impossible. I particularly give this advice to the men I know, because it also helps to break down the sexist idea that women are the only ones allowed to ~talk about their feelings~. If things are good - why are they good? If you don’t feel so good, what’s changed to make things not as good? That’s a much easier thing to note and work on, even if it requires regularly checking in than to realise you’re in an ‘all-of-a-sudden-nothing-feels-good-anymore-and-I-have-no-idea-why’  place and have no plan for coping or dealing with it either. Identifying underlying problems, and having a plan for dealing and coping with them does a lot for me, even if it never solves anything outright.

2. Acknowledge emotional labour. I get a lot of people messaging me because I talk about my mental health publicly, and it can often include triggering, emotional details which they haven’t felt safe to share with anyone else. I have the utmost respect for the courage it takes to break that silence, but often direct people to counsellors and mental health professionals because I do not have the resources or skills to help them in the ways that they need. I know that not everyone has access to the professional help they need, but if your workplace, your school, your university provides free counselling - use it. Use it and still talk to your friends about it, but don’t make them the be all and end all of who you talk to about your situation.

3. Think about how you speak about mental health. It affects everyone, but if you’ve only experienced the good side of mental health, stop and listen to those who do have mental illnesses, and especially those with Borderline Personality Disorder, Bipolar, Schizophrenia or other which are more heavily stigmatised. My friend who implied those things through their own internalised stigma didn’t think they were being hurtful, in fact, they were trying to reach out in a moment of need, but the less we think of mental health as an us-and-them situation, and instead as a something we all deal with throughout our lives, the more inclusive, supporting, and understanding our society will be. Maybe then we’ll be able to lower the heartbreakingly high rate of suicide in this country.

If you need help in New Zealand:
Need to talk? - 1737 (free call or text)
The Depression Helpline - 0800 111 757
Healthline - 0800 611 116
Lifeline - 0800 543 354
Samaritans - 0800 726 666
Youthline - 0800 376 633
Alcohol Drug Helpline - 0800 787 797
Finding a mental health professional: Doctor, therapist or counsellor
Resources from the Mental Health Foundation about mental illnesses, support initiatives, and research

*this is the most aspirational statement I’ve ever made in my entire life, and this comes from someone who wants to be a full time creative AND be able to pay all their bills on time every month. 

For Your Eyes & Ears - June 2017 Here’s a list of my favourite non-paywall articles, which made me think, made me feel, or both from the month just been! Girls’ Club: The Women of 95bfm - The Wireless Having been involved in student media myself,...

For Your Eyes & Ears - June 2017

Here’s a list of my favourite non-paywall articles, which made me think, made me feel, or both from the month just been!

Girls’ Club: The Women of 95bfm - The Wireless

Having been involved in student media myself, seeing such an awesome array of young women who are also being acknowledged for their work beings joy to my heart. I also was lucky enough to be interviewed by Amanda about my thesis webseries Onlne Heroines - which you can have a listen to over here.

Stop Calling Your Fat Friend Cute - Refinery29

This piece made me think a lot about how we police bodies; unintentionally or not, and the specific language we use to do so. “Cute” can seem like a safe word to use for a lot of reasons, but isn’t always so.

“When you call a fat body “cute,” it’s patronizing and de-sexualizing. It “others” us. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when “cute” is a fitting word for me … But when someone calls me “cute” in a setting where I am showing my body or expressing my sexuality, it plucks me right out of the narrative I am trying to create”

Politics is not and should not be a team sport - A tweet thread by Alexandra Erin

A really interesting metaphor on how we creative narratives around politicians. It made me think about how we construct our own in New Zealans and how MMP changes that from countries like France.

On queer aesthetics and not feeling queer enough - Archer Magazine

These last two articles really hit me as things I’ve often felt but didn’t have the words to describe or understand, so I’ll just leave you with quotes for both of them.

““Do you like girls as well?” A big, tough-looking blonde asked me at one such party. I hesitated, unsure how to answer. I didn’t like girls or boys necessarily. I liked people, and a very select few of them at that. My partner, who was masc-identifying at the time, cut in. “Nah, she’s the token straight girl,” they said. And that was that.”

Grow Up - New Republic

“For most, I think, teenhood is a time when real power is way out of reach. Teens long for the autonomy of adulthood, while grown women long for the bodies they used to have and the dreams that never came true. Infatuation is not the same thing as supportive love.” 

Gif of Daft Punk.

Beyond Gender - Interview Rebekah Bakker, a Wellington photography student, shared with me an amazing project she’s doing with Gender Minorities Aotearoa; a photographic series focusing on the transgender, gender-nonconforming, takatāpui and intersex... Beyond Gender - Interview Rebekah Bakker, a Wellington photography student, shared with me an amazing project she’s doing with Gender Minorities Aotearoa; a photographic series focusing on the transgender, gender-nonconforming, takatāpui and intersex... Beyond Gender - Interview Rebekah Bakker, a Wellington photography student, shared with me an amazing project she’s doing with Gender Minorities Aotearoa; a photographic series focusing on the transgender, gender-nonconforming, takatāpui and intersex...

Beyond Gender - Interview

Rebekah Bakker, a Wellington photography student, shared with me an amazing project she’s doing with Gender Minorities Aotearoa; a photographic series focusing on the transgender, gender-nonconforming, takatāpui and intersex community in Aotearoa New Zealand. Instead of an interview with Rebekah, we decided to share statements from her participants.

“I’ve always thought of myself as Māori first.” - Selena

“I don’t know why I’m transgender. I do know that, since transitioning, I’ve come right in a way I’d long believed impossible. I’m confident and happy; I’m healthy and fit; I’m employed and paying taxes; I’m involved in volunteer work and I have an active social life. I think puns are hilarious, rats are awesome and Brussels sprouts taste good.

You do your thing and I’ll do mine. We don’t have to always understand each other to move through life with grace, respect and curiosity.”- Jesse

“My transition has been a huge journey and I have had to learn to advocate for myself in many ways, which has forced me to be a courageous person. Sometimes it can be really tough, but I am grateful for this experience. It has given me courage to try new things, challenge myself and not give up, in all areas of my life.

I am an aspiring model and singer, and I hope that one day I can advocate for and inspire the trans community just as my role models have done for me.” - Charlotte

“Little did I know in 2015 that in less than a year I would; plan my wedding, cancel my wedding, end my relationship, have my cat catnapped, lose two family members to cancer, meet new friends, lose my friend and companion of over 9 years, change careers twice, move over 700kms to Wellington, come out of the closet (again), and be happier than I have been in years.

Life is not always easy but it is amazing. Don’t resent the hard stuff, don’t hate the mistakes. Everything has brought you to this point and it has more amazing, terrifying, wonderful, hard, heart-warming things in store for you.” - Elliot

You can support Gender Minorities Aotearoa, via their 2018 calendar (which these images are a part of) and Aunty Dana’s Op Shop (donations to 128 Abel Smith St).

Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the SeasonsWhen I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow.... Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the SeasonsWhen I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow.... Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the SeasonsWhen I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow.... Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the SeasonsWhen I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow.... Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the SeasonsWhen I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow....

Death to the Tortured Artist Trope: Van Gogh & the Seasons

When I was in Melbourne, we paid a visit to the National Gallery of Victoria and their exhibition Van Gogh and the Seasons. I love Van Gogh, and not just because of our shared love of yellow. His struggle with mental illness had made him a kindred spirit in my mind. To quote Doctor Who: 

“He transformed the pain of his tortured life into ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion and pain to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificent of our world, no one had ever done it before. Perhaps no one ever will again” 

As we entered the exhibition, I was replaying that very scene where they take Vincent to the Musée d'Orsay to see his work. I hoped he would have been impressed by the line at the National Gallery; it was a 25-minute wait to even buy tickets. 

But this was so much more than just his paintings; Sjraar van Heugten, who curated the exhibition, gives you an in-depth look into Van Gogh’s process as an artist. There are rooms of Van Gogh’s personal collection of prints and sketches from the artists he admired and drew inspiration from, and a few of them even have his recreations of them side by side. And as you walk through the seasons, his most famous and recognisable works are interspersed with his experiments in colour, form, and style. Paintings and sketches which, to the untrained eye, you might never have realised were Van Gogh’s. 

What was even more interesting that the artworks themselves were the captions. He only took up drawing in 1880. He died in 1890. His entire life’s work as an artist only spans ten years. I stood there, in shock, and thought about how far I had come as an artist in ten years. I’d obviously gotten better, but would I be considered one of the greatest artists of all time? No. Would I want to be? Heck no. Looking at his works in this context, I couldn’t help but ask myself, but where would he have gone next? What would he have experimented with? And what would he have done after that? What would a portfolio of 30, 40, 50 years of Van Gogh’s work look like?

We imagine that great works of art are born from pain and suffering. We romanticise our own undervaluing of artists; poverty and mental illness are something they need in order to enrich our lives. But what if, instead of placing mental illness as something which inspires art, we viewed it as something which limited art. What would Van Gogh have done in a society which didn’t isolate and abandon people with mental illness? Or with an income with allowed him better health and more art supplies? I would be willing to bet he made more fucking paintings and there would have been more rooms in that exhibition.  

There has never been a time in my life when I have thought that mental illness has made me a better artist. Sometimes (when I feel like being particularly cruel to myself) I think about how much how much more I could have challenged myself in undergrad, how much further I would be in my Master’s, if I hadn’t spent years lonely, distressed, and struggling to make ends meet. What would I be doing now, making now, creating now, if I wasn’t held back by those same things Van Gogh was?

It’s not just that we could be allowing for so much more beauty and joy in our world, but we could be allowing people to live more healthy, meaningful lives. Van Gogh should not be a romantic example of what we consider inevitable; you need pain to create beauty. It should be a tragic, painful story we remind ourselves of in order to do better from. By the end of the exhibition, I was in tears; furious at how we treat one another, and heartbroken by this man who died 100 years before I was even born.

To rewrite that original quote from Doctor Who;

“Despite the pain of his tortured life, he created ecstatic beauty. Pain is easy to portray, but to use your passion to portray the ecstasy and joy and magnificent of our world, no one had ever done it before. And I hope that no one has to go through that again.”

For Your Eyes & Ears - May 2017While I’m in the final slog of submitting my Masters there’s been A LOT of the above for me in the past month. However, here’s a list of my favourite non-paywall articles which made me think, made me feel, or both from...

For Your Eyes & Ears - May 2017

While I’m in the final slog of submitting my Masters there’s been A LOT of the above for me in the past month. However, here’s a list of my favourite non-paywall articles which made me think, made me feel, or both from the month just been!

Machismo Is Ruining the Planet, Study Says - Broadly

I was really interested to see something which I’ve experienced over and over again; men dismissing environmental concerns and methods of acting on those concerns because of the perceived femininity associated with caring about things, validated through research. This seems particularly relevant with today’s announcement that the United States are pulling out of the Paris climate agreement… 

“The idea of men being repelled by products or actions that appear feminine is concerning. “That says what’s feminine is bad, is lesser, is second class,” she said. “Although men’s and women’s roles have changed significantly, masculinity hasn’t changed as much."”

Drawing, Ceramics, and Disposability - A tweet thread from @kimbert  

If you’re creative in any way, I strongly suggest reading this thread! There seems to be a ceramic revival happening at the moment - and having wanted to take up pottery for a while, I love their explanation of how the constraints of different creative fields can change your perspective as a creator.

How To Achieve No Contact With A Toxic or Abusive Person - Femsplain

As someone who has unfortunately needed to limit or end several relationships through my life because of how they affected me; this was a really great way of giving words to things I’ve been doing (and struggling with) for a long time.  I read this at the very start of the month, but have already found myself mentally referring back to this article when deciding on a course of action.

The Met Gala, Textile Crafts, and Engineering - A tweet thread from Mika McKinnon

I roll my eyes every year at people tweeting “but why is the Met Gala always SO WEIRD” when they’ve never bothered to google what the Met Gala is about. Seeing this thread reminded me of what I wrote last year about why crafts are undervalued as a “women’s” interest, when their use of engineering and design is often really. fucking. impressive. 

“I hold a physics degree & did computational grad work. Seeing these dresses as a final exam question would make me break into a cold sweat.”

Hey, Computer Scientists! Stop Hating on the Humanities - Wired

Last year I was involved in a weekend event called GovHack; which inspires people to do interesting things with government-provided data. However, an underlying trend in many of the winning projects is that they are for social good. Reading this article, it struck me just how hard competitions like this are if you don’t know about the problems you could create solutions for.

“I’ve watched military scientists present their lethal innovations with childlike enthusiasm while making no mention of whom the weapons are being used on. There are few things scarier than a scientist who can give an academic talk on how to shoot a human being but can’t reason about whether you should be shooting them at all.”

Shadow Theatre - New Zealand Geographic

I have a bit of a soft spot for conspiracy theories; not the obviously dangerous ones like ‘climate change isn’t real’, but give me one like ‘there might be moose hiding in the South Island’ and you’ve got my undivided attention. Reading about a couple who have spent decades camping in Fiordland, found moose droppings and hairs, but still haven’t managed to see or photograph one, brought a little bit of wonder to the rainy Hamilton afternoon when I read it. 

(If you need more conspiracies in your life, Our Fake History is one of my all-time favourite podcasts and does a very good job of hooking you into the story, then pulling it all down around you.)

Image from Adventure Time.

The Interactive Waka Project - InterviewWhile I’m doing my thesis on the other side of the river at the University of Waikato, a lot of cool stuff happens on the other side, at Wintec. The Matariki Interactive Waka Project is certainly one of them,...

The Interactive Waka Project - Interview

While I’m doing my thesis on the other side of the river at the University of Waikato, a lot of cool stuff happens on the other side, at Wintec. The Matariki Interactive Waka Project is certainly one of them, and I talked to Joe Citizen about collaboration, Hamilton’s history, and value in the arts.

The Matariki Interactive Waka Project is an impressive title, but it is going to be a six-meter tall sculpture! Tell me about where it’s going be, what it’s going to do, and how it’s going to work?

The sculpture is actually looking like it’s going to be 6.8 metres tall now, constructed from corten plate steel. It will be at Hamilton’s Ferrybank Park beside the Waikato River. We have a preferred location which is directly below the Museum on the riverbank because the sculpture is inspired by Te Winika, which is the waka housed in that museum. The interactive part comes from an LED panel that will display animated designs of the seven Matariki domains, and a motion sensor network that will activate different combinations of sounds and lights from different Matariki-inspired data sets as pedestrians walk around the sculpture and interact with it. It is not possible to predict all the potential outcomes of the interactivity; the overall effect is limitless.

You mention bringing people back to the river, why do you think that’s important for Hamilton?

The Ferrybank is a place where Māori and Pakeha first met in this region. Local Māori used the area to send waka down river to help feed the emerging city of Auckland, since then this has been a place where people have met, traded, played, and connected with each other and the river itself. It’s part of Hamilton’s identity, it’s who we are.

The river interconnects social, cultural, mental, spiritual, and emotional aspects that are entangled with each other. Humans and the environment are not separate entities; gaining an appreciation of this interconnected nature is important whether it be in environmentalism, quantum physics and Te Ao Māori. I don’t want to make artworks that say nothing, do nothing and mean nothing. We’re part of the environment as much as the environment is part of us and understanding this interconnectedness is necessary for us as a species to continue on this planet.

Hamilton has had a serious increase in installation artworks over the past few years, especially through MESH Sculpture. What makes this one different to the others around the city?

This is the first sculpture in Hamilton that’s interactive. It uses sounds and lighting in a way that no other sculpture in Hamilton does. It is self-sustainable in terms of its electrical supply. So many people are contributing their time, energy and expertise; it’s being made by students with industry mentorship. It is not something that has come from elsewhere to us, it’s something we are doing for ourselves. As an artist, I am not the sole source of creation, this is a journey made by many partnerships and creative participation.

As an artist yourself, what drew you to create such a broad and collaborative project?

I’ve been a part of collaborative projects for over 17 years. I started off in film and moved to interactive work around 2010. One of the great things about collaboration is that I don’t have to be an expert in everything. When you work with other people who are good at what they do then the results can be extraordinary. In many ways I’m just the energy behind it.

I find working in partnership means that I’m often challenged in my thinking and that’s a good thing, because I’ll fight for what is valuable and let go of what is not. When a different perspective is the thing that is best for the project then you know it will fly by itself. It’s a privilege working with other people, so I’m pleased that is how this project has developed. This is really just an extension of who I am as an artist.

The plan is to launch at Matariki next year; what makes Matariki a special time for you?

Even though the time is known as being a time of celebration and reflection. It’s not just about the time of year, it’s about our relationships with each other and where we go from here. This sculpture accesses each of the different Matariki stars which are doorways into different aspects of the natural world; gaining these insights has sparked a mental and spiritual journey which I feel that many Kiwis also feel, but don’t have reflected in other public artworks.

If you want to support The Matariki Interactive Waka Project, they are currently crowdfunding on Boosted. Head over there before May 31st to donate and support the arts in Hamilton.

Photo by The Matariki Interactive Waka Project.